Movie Thoughts: Pinocchio (2022)

• Released: September 8, 2022
  
• Directed by: Robert Zemeckis
• Running time: 1 h 45 min
• Rating 1.5/5

Synopsis

In order to become a real boy, a living wooden puppet must prove himself to be virtuous.

My Thoughts

I haven't done a Movie Thoughts on Disney's original Pinnochio yet for my Disney Journey, that's still coming up. However if you must know my opinion, it's one of my least favorite Disney films that tells a coherent story. Outside of the admittedly great animation (especially on the water and Monstro) of the original, I really didn't care about it and honestly kinda disliked it even.

Now, this movie? It's worse. Since it sticks pretty close to the original (with a few updates and changes but nothing major) it has many of the same elements of the 1940 film that I do not enjoy. I don't care about Pinnochio as a character, I find him to be rather boring. His relationship with Gepetto is wholesome but that's really where my like for the character ends, especially since Pinnochio (indirectly) ends up putting this father he supposedly cares so much about into a whole lot of danger by not coming home. And Jimini Cricket...he's one of my most disliked Disney sidekicks ever, and of course he just has to be a major character.

And with that comes the visuals of the 2022 movie. I'm...split. On the one hand, some of the CGI creatures like the fox Honest John and the cat Figaro look great. Others look kinda mid, like Monstro, the anthropomorphic nonverbal cat and Cleo. And Pinnochio himself as well, he looks kinda eh and is a bit too wrinkly in the face for my taste (he's made of wood, remember?). But then there's the uncanny valley nightmare that is Jimini Cricket in this. You'd think they'd either go full-out cartoon on him or just make him look like a realistic bug but with some more minor anthro features (such as Honest John). But instead they settled on this nightmare in-between version that neither resembles a cricket nor his original 2-D animated form. He has these wrinkles in his face and his eyes are disgusting and he as a whole just looks disgusting. Who thought this design was a good idea? And he's a major character that's on screen for a large portion of the film. So I really didn't like any of the times where he was shown. When other character designs in this movie look great or at least decent, why does one of our main characters have to look like this uncanny valley nightmare creature?

As for the rest of the movie: it was boring. Literally. I can't be bothered to care about the original and the same is true here. I was mildly interested in seeing what they changed (most of it for the worse, by the way) but that was it. I don't outright hate all of the Disney live-action/realistically animated remakes, I actually do like some of them. But this one is pointless and boring in every sense of the word. I'd even rather re-visit the old Pinnochio film despite my dislike for it rather than re-experience this thing.